Dealing with Losses

What losses have you suffered in your life?

Some that occurred in my life were:

The death of my grandfather, my grandmother, my father, my father-in-law, the loss of my disciples and my church when I moved from Brazil; as well as my house, my language fluency (I had to learn English), my daughters, freedom to travel and go places during to the lockdown, etc.

Each person’s list is different, each of us has a different story, and we can’t compare ourselves and say that I’ve suffered more than you, because only you know your pain. Only YOU know your traumas.

But the question is, what am I going to do with all this pain? Am I going to sit around crying and questioning why did God let this happen to me? Or will I use these lessons to grow in my faith and dependence on God?

I believe that our life is made up of choices, we can choose the path we will walk.

Jesus said that in this world you will have trouble ( tribulation, trials and sorrows). But take heart, I have overcome the world. – John 16:33

There was a man named Viktor Frankl, a Jew, a psychiatrist, who survived concentration camps in World War II. He recounts in his book – “The Man’s Search for Meaning”, that many of those who were with him during that time and did not give up on living even in the midst of so much pain and loss were the ones who believed and waited for something, like seeing their families again, or writing a book. On the other hand, those who gave up would say, I have nothing to live for, my hope is over.

When we look at the word of God we see many people who go through losses and we see different reactions. Job lost everything and in the end said that he now knew the Lord in a way he did not know before. Job 42. 5

Saul, on the other hand, when he saw that he had lost the war, he committed suicide. 1 Sm 31.4

Losses are part of life. No one on this earth passes through here without suffering any loss. Suffering comes because of sin, the devil, and our choices (the flesh).

But we also have to understand how to deal with losses. Unfortunately in the Christian environment we tend to ignore our emotions; some don’t express them and keep they buried (bé-rid ) deep.

We hide our tears, the doubts, the questions.

Job did not suffer silently when he was suffering through all those losses, Jeremiah lamented the destruction of Jerusalem, David mourned the death of Saul and Jonatas (2 Sm1: 17-27).

Did you know that two-thirds of the book of Psalms are lamentations and grievances before God? In Genesis we see our God repented of having created mankind (Gen 6:6).

What I mean is that we are emotional beings, God created us with emotions, sadness, anger, joy, fear, trust. Emotions were given to us by God. He placed them within us and if we do not express them at the time, our bodies will show them later.

If you do not talk about them your body will express it through physiological symptoms, because emotions are chemical reactions in our body, hormones. Ex: When we are afraid we release adrenaline, which makes our hearts beat faster, our breathing became shallow, the blood pressure increases. When we are in a dangerous situation and we need to run or hide our body releases it.

However if you live in constant tension you have this adrenaline running in your body all the time and you become a restless, nervous person. With breathing problems , heart problems. We need to step back, learn to express our emotions and slow our minds.

The losses, the tensions of life, the sorrows, if they are not worked on they will end up controlling us.

How to get through it, how to deal with emotions and loss?

First, we have to understand that in His sovereignty God has allowed all of it to happen, not because he wants to punish us, but because he wants to bring us closer to him.

Learning to deal with losses makes us more mature and strengthens us. You can look at problems like weights at the gym, you use them and after a while, you get stronger. You if you don’t put them to good use, you’ll get weaker and flaccid and when the enemy attacks you’ll lose the fight.

Let’s look at 5 points from Job’s life, which Pastor Peter Scazzero explores in his book Emotionally Health Spirituality

Pay attention

Just so you understand it, Job was the richest man of his time and then he lost everything in a single day. All his possessions and his 10 children (Job 1). And then he lost his health (Job 2). After all of this his wife comes to him and tells him to curse God and die. But the Bible says he praised God and did not give up on life.

After losing everything Job expresses his feelings. He cries, screams, questions why has God let this happen to him. He does not run away from the pain of his suffering, but he faces it. “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?”

Job 3:11 NIV

“The Mighty One has shot me with his arrows. I have to drink their poison. God’s terrors are aimed at me.”

Job 6:4 NIRV

But as Christians and maybe even our culture we are taught that anger, resentment, annoyance, hatred, are bad things, they are sins. Do you agree?

Yes and no.

The Bible says, not to let the sun go down on our wrath, it does not tell us our anger is a sin. Ef 4.26 It is not written, do not feel angry. “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”

Ephesians 4:26-27 MSG

But normally we tend to swallow our anger and we become passive – aggressive. In fact, we let out our anger in other ways. Like, we’re late, we’re sarcastic, our tone of voice is unpleasant, we are silent, we give the cold shoulder. All these are expressions of anger. Did you know that?

We need to learn how to face our losses. Because if we’re sad and angry, it’s because this loss really meant something to us, and we need to evaluate our lives. We need to learn to talk about them and not suffocate them.

That’s why we need to have discipleship and when we need also to go to therapy. We need to vent out to mature people. That will help us.

Job chose to enter this “dark” phase of his soul and face the losses rather than deny them or even self-medicate or go into addictions. Some people start drinking, others they work too hard, eat beyond what is necessary, take tranquillisers, buy without needing. All to drown(draun) out the pain.

Learn to recognise your feelings and speak up, especially to your family. Talk in a place of love about your pain. Don’t hide, don’t cry alone. Find healthy things to do in times of sorrow and pain. Like exercising, call a friend.

When we are very depressed our tendency it is to keep thinking about the pain and it makes us even more depressed. That’s why we need to do activities that require our concentration, such as exercising, playing and laughing with our children, walking in a place in contact with nature. Don’t embark on a series (Netflix) to drown(draun) your pain. It will not help.

Wait in the Confusing In-Between.

Many find it difficult to wait. And because we have no patience, we end up creating “Ismael”s, just like Abraham and Sarah.

Sl 37.7 “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; Psalms 37:7 NIV

Knowing how to wait is an act of humility.

Job suffered, therefore, his friends argued and questioned, they said that he was in sin, harvesting what he had sown.

Job questioned God and his friends, from cap 4 to 37 we see the arguments. For me questioning is not a problem; the problem is if we blame God and go away from his presence, but search in God for guidance and a deeper

We know he was innocent, there was no sin in his life, it was an attack of Satan allowed by God, but during the pain it is difficult to understand what is going on.

We must learn to wait instead of trying to play God and have an answer for everything. The Bible says to weep with those who cry Rom 12:15 , not explain why that person is in pain.

Nowadays we are accustomed to quick solutions and we cannot see and understand God’s action during confusion. God’s purposes go beyond our little understanding.

We must create the routine of time alone with God, it is very important. Even if you don’t feel like it or don’t have the words, go pray, bow yourself down in his presence, cry, adore. Pick worship songs that speak to your heart. In my moments of pain I listened to a lot of songs. One of them was – No longer slave . Study the Bible, write down your prayers, your emotions.

Embrace the gift of limits

Your physical body
Your family of origin
Your marital status
Your intellectual capacity
Your talents and gifts
Your financial condition
Your personality, temperament, unique self.
Your time
Your work and friendship reality.
Your spiritual understanding

When we accept our limits we see that it is not up to us to save the world or our family.

God is at the centre; he is sovereign and we are limited. Not everything happens as we would like, we are not guilty for everything that happens. People make choices and consequences come.

Recognising our limits is a sign of maturity and growth. Stop wanting to control everything and everyone. The only person you can change is yourself.

Climb the ladder of Humility

Job changes after so much suffering. In chapter 42 God calls him ‘my servant’ 4 times. Showing a deeper level of intimacy between him and God.

Understand that to be transformed we need to move forward. We must advance in our spiritual life, and mature.

I want to share a ladder created by a monk named Benedict of Núrsia. These steps developed by him are accepted and taught in many churches (Catholic and Protestant).

1^st step – Fear God and always be aware of his presence.
2^nd step – Do God’s will (not our own or others’s)
3^rd step – Accept God’s direction given by others.
4^th step – Be patient to accept others’ weaknesses.
5^th step – Be radically honest with others about your own weaknesses and faults and have the courage to humble yourselves and ask for forgiveness.
6^th step- Recognise that you are the greatest of sinners. 1 Tm 1.15
7^th step – Learn to speak less, have self-control.“Those who are sure of themselves do not talk all the time. People who stay calm have real insight.” Proverbs 17:27
8^th step – Let God’s love transform you, love yourself, and trust in God’s mercy.

Look at what Jo said at the end of his battle.

Then Job answered the Lord:

Job 42:1-6 “I know that you can do anything. No one can keep you from doing what you plan to do. You asked me, ‘Who do you think you are to disagree with my plans? You do not know what you are talking about.’ I spoke about things I didn’t completely understand. I talked about things that were too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak. I will ask you some questions. Then I want you to answer me.’ My ears had heard about you. But now my own eyes have seen you. So I hate myself. I’m really sorry for what I said about you. That’s why I’m sitting in dust and ashes.””

Job 42:2-6 NIRV

When we go through losses we are crushed and this is the best time for the Holy Spirit to work on us, if we submit ourselves to Him we will come out the other side feeling better, more mature and fuller of His love.

. Let the old give birth to the new.

Dealing with loss does not mean we are letting time heal us or simply going with the flow. But it is to let God take care of us. Job did it. He knew he couldn’t go back to the way he was before, and he learned from the losses. He sought to know God better. He matured.

Remember:

Pay attention
We wait in the confusing in-between
We embrace the gift of limits
We climb the ladder of humility
We let the old birth the new…

In God’s time we will be blessed. Job was blessed, the Lord restored his fortune. The Lord gave him back double.

Job 42:12,13 “GOD blessed Job’s later life even more than his earlier life. He ended up with fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand teams of oxen, and one thousand donkeys. He also had seven sons and three daughters.

When we believe in God, we can experience resurrection. The centre of the gospel is: suffering and death generate resurrection and transformation.

John 12:24-25 “Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.”

John 12:24-25 MSG

Resurrection only happens when there is death.

When we learn from our losses, we move from beggars to intimate friends in God’s presence.

Conclusion:

As we’ve seen, losses are part of life. But what you do with them is your decision. My advice is that you do not run away from them or from the Lord, but run into His arms instead, because each and every one of you has the opportunity to know more of His love.

Let’s finish with this song –

The lad that sing this song experience many losses, his brother suicide, his parents get divorced, his mother was very sick and nearly died and he says that he learned with all those losses. He says that God were closer than no other.

https://youtu.be/Viiw6tGimHo ( English)

https://youtu.be/yiaV4HTzn30 ( the story behind the song – English and Spanish)

https://youtu.be/jx0vatLTnE0 ( Portuguese subtitles)

Million Little Miracles(feat. Joe L Barnes)

All my life I’ve been carried by grace

Don’t ask me how ’cause I can’t explain

It’s nothing short of a miracle I’m here

I’ve got some blessings that I don’t deserve

I’ve got some scars but that’s how you learn

It’s nothing short of a miracle I’m here

I think it over and it doesn’t add up

I know it comes from above

I’ve got miracles on miracles

A million little miracles

Yeah, miracles on miracles

Count your miracles, 1-2-3-4 I

Can’t even count ’em all

Ooh

You held me steady so I wouldn’t give up

You opened doors that nobody could shut

I hope I never get over what You’ve done

I wanna live with an open heart

I wanna live like I know who You are